Friday, 28 November 2008


picture a man covered in cans.
He wears them in order to tickle his fans.
- tickle their fancy, you understand, in an emotional
way, not physically and giggly no, not today -
His fans are people who have a fetish for cans.
They love to see people with cans in their hands.
They didn't expect him to be COVERED in cans,
but that's not all, that's just the start of his plans:
He wants to blow their minds, freak them out, excite!
every single one, with no exception, and he might
just be able to pull it off
He's rigged up a spring, one under each tin,
and pulled a wee string and tethered it to his shoe.
So when they are all excited and seem like they could
take no more.
He gives them more.
Upon the floor, he starts to tap.
just slightly at first and then, in a burst, he's jumping
around like a mental clown ....
Every string pulls every spring and every can jiggles
and tin-tans and the fans just can't handle this ....
Each and every one. stunned. Can barely breath with
the extreme excitement and awe.
Each and every one.
too .... much .... fun .....
"Can fans found catatonic in disused warehouse."
reads the newspaper article.
Dan the can man has struck again. Again.

Cartoon Elephant or DRUGS RING ?

Tuesday, November 14th 2008. After following a lead from one
of our snitches we burst down the door or Apt. 217, 5546 Venue
One of the suspects, dressed as Cheetara the thundercat tried to
bash Henderson on the skull with a rubber trunk, luckily I caught
him mid swing and managed to get off a shot. Unfortunately his
head exploded. Damn this triple barrel special.
So here, pictured, is what we stormed in on.
The surviving suspects lead us to believe that it was a 'huffing
station' whereby the volunteer monkey walks and tokes ...
supposedly this creates euphoria in the subject, which then creates
an even MORE potent chemical in the expelled air. This chemical
is contained and then bottled for black market resale.
I was not so convinced. This explanation seemed all too easy.
My sources have since confirmed my fears ..... this was in fact an
Elephant motion capture station. They hire monkeys to make like
elephants, at a fraction of the cost and a maximum resale value.
Elephants are going out of business and monkey kind are being
The most heinous new development is that they are doing
BOTH at once.
Capturing the motion of monkey pretending to be an elephant
AND harvesting the expelled de-oxygenated drug.

Be vigilant my fellow citizens.

Saturday, 15 November 2008

A Plan Afoot

Genine was almost a foot taller than Karen, and thus was alpha girl.
This, however, didn't stop Karen coveting Genie's dollop, Tomm
Moore, in place of her own (named 'dollop', but that's kids for you).
Essentially slaves, dollops are normal fellas like you and me, just
unlucky enough to have been caught sleeping in the woods.
They get trawled by upper class 'gangs' on Sunday mornings.
Feckin' ponces.
Once scraped down and washed they are constricted into what
they call 'dollsuits' ... so what they end up as is a living doll.
Only able to move their heads and cry for help, but nobody is
This has been going on for years, generations of girls growing
up with such cruelly imagined playthings ... until somehow last
Friday, when Tomm managed to grab a razor blade with his
mouth and stash it in his romper.
For three days now, Tomm has been slowly scraping inside his
suit .... and now, now starts the plan.
While she was sleeping, afternoon nap like, Dollop whispered in
Karen's ear over and over that it was time, that the revolution was
now. Karen, waking up, just thought she was having a mad dream,
but still, her feckles were up, and she just kept picking at Genine.
The time was now, the escape was entering part one .. freedom
on it's way ....

Thursday, 6 November 2008

why do they make it so hard, it's frustrating

When the devil knight runs at you with his magic sword of cat-nails
you have to sidestep, medium attack three times, jump and then
heavy attack. Then, you use you're anti-cat defence whip four times,
THEN you jump again, light attack, jump and then the knight goes
into phase one of 17 changes .....
Queen Tugg just didn't have the 'skillz'.
"I mean, what the FECK is that ? Why do they make it so hard that
you can't even beat him. This is stupid."
I don't think the lacy gloves really helped.
It turns out that that's why he was such an Iron fisted ruler, that
and being named queen instead of king.
such is life my queen, such is life.

hamstropolis prisoner

by aBowman