housecalls were fine, but ....

whenever he was called out to muffin hill, Dr. Bosespeakers was there
all morning. He never payed attention in physiuffinology. He spent his
time trying to get Mary Whatspeakers to touch his manbum.
So every single time, he would have to check every single muffin
until he found the troubled one.
Even then, when he found the one with the slightly lower temperature
he'd be wondering if he put the muffimometer in an embarrassing place.
They never tipped up there neither, not even 5%.
He would spend weeks wondering if this time he really did
'do a mischief' to one of them.
He'd wonder that for weeks, until the next call came.

.... and the moral of the story is ....

What IS the point in all the meanderings, when all you need is the ending?

Ernerd's lucky day

This is the story of a lucky day in the life of Ernerd Bunt.
You see Ernerd was a salesman, a door to door salesman, but people
tended to laugh at him and slam their door in his face. None of them
slammed it too hard though, which was a pity as Ernerd saw it.
He peddled his wares everywhere and every day.
Always eager to sell, but always happy to 'come back again'.
This day, today, as Ernerd walked up Fumpton Street, he heard a
crash and a smash and he knew. Right then. He knew it was his time.
'Angry man', had lost his keys and punched his door hole open.
Ernerd, the door to door door salesman was, today, making a sale.
Today was his lucky day.

an answer to a question

Eat A. Heaps aged 7 asked:
Could you please elaborate on the theories of the "drac-acula" phenomenon.

Hi, I feel that I need to talk about this phenomilon, for it is indeed an
importy one.
We have there [pointing there at examples book], werewolves.
We know about them.
We know how they are sort of like normal fellas but go and get bitten
by a werewoof. The origin of the first werewoof is unknown but what
we DO know is that the ol' 'were' phenomilon is not just limited to
caninular bitings.
When a thing bites a person, they take on it's characteristics, as in
the werewolf, or the meremaid or the merecat and so forth.
When a 'dracula' bites a person, they usually just turn into one, but
sometimes they don't turn completely and become man-aculas. Half of
one and half t'other. Man of a day and a dracula at night.
They don't get much sleep really, as you can imagine.
The most unusual (in my opinion) is the case to which I have devoted
both years of my entire adult life. This case is from the early part of
last century, a time when Europe was riddled with the undead biters
of romantic folklore. They were feckin everywhere. Biting MAD they
were. There are more 'movies' than you can shake a stick at.
This incident in question was when a normal dracula mistook one of his
kind for a normal person. The mad result was something bigger and
greater than either one, and the title of my new documentary ....
Drac-acula
half dracula and half a different kind of dracula.
The result was more evil and powerful than either dracula had been
on his own.
So remember .... never bite yer own kind, it's mad.
.... also look out for my Film ....
"Drac-acula, a Dracumentary" this holiday season .... mmm MMM

did ye ever wonder

about that whole werewolf thing, where if the moon goes behind the
clouds they aren't one.
.. and THEN when the moon comes back out they turn into a wofle ?
Well I did, and it's mad. Does that mean it's just like 'line of sight'
so that if you were one werewolf, all you'd have t'do was close yer eyes.
Maybe all you'd have to do would be to turn yer back on the moon or
to stay indoors.
"What's the story with young Albert Wolfston in No. 17 ?"
"Ah, he's one of them werewolves. The poor lad won't come out at
night, well, unless he WANTS to turn"
"Poor lad"
"Yes. I concur, poor lad"
see ?
It's a mad state of affairs. All the neighbours are talking about it.

nothing made him happy anymore.

it's definitely been jumped on

I LOVE THIS GRAND OLD MAN
I find it comforting to see it was just as easy to get on telly back then.

prof john murbles, inventer of the Ninambulator

He was going to call it his 'steeromotor', but his son, Ninepence just
wouldn't shut the SHUT up about it.
"Callitafferme ! callitafferme ! mlea mlea mlea".
That's what he kept saying, even the mlea bit.
So after about three weeks of this, the Prof just broke and Nine'
got his way.
He shouldn't have crumbled though, because his name was forgotten
and Nine's went down in history.
Ninepence Murbles. Inventor of the vehicle you and I now know
as the Ninambulator.

you BETTER love banana

it's a messa simple. cut some shots t'gether, whack a few
subtitles on them and you've got an non-forgettable song
that even your dog will love ....
presented by boxofsquints on behalf of the wee.
this holiday season .....
you BETTER love banana.
BANANA

Chief Blububle Ub HATED being the New Guy

After his recent transfer from one of the outlying villages, Chief
Blububle Ub OOB Ooble-ub was having a little trouble fitting in.As is common with new leadership, he often stumbled upon groups
of workers engaged in Chief based ridicule.
He tried to keep a stern facade at work, whilst at night crying to his
wife Blob OBBLE ob obbobity Op or MRS. CHIEF as she was known.
It kind of served him right though. He was a bit of a shitehawk.